“A match be to made, not a prize to be won.”
Maybe the single most important quote ever attached to the college search process.
But, sometimes, even after cross-country road trips and long hours of internet research and conversations with admission counselors and athletic recruiters and comparisons of various financial aid offerings, the wonderful courtship doesn’t produce the perfect match.
That’s why you have divorce lawyers and transfer counselors.
So, what do you do?
- Acknowledgment – Is this just freshman nerves and insecurity or real issues of incompatibility? Sit down and write down: What is it that is causing this feeling? Look at what you wrote down. Is it tangible? If so, is it fixable? Often times, it is better to stay put and work through the problems. But, not always…
- Acceptance – The beautiful campus in the brochure has turned to the frozen tundra and the professor who seemed like the perfect mentor has left for another institution. I thought I would love Nursing, but there’s – like- science involved. I thought I’d like the country setting, but cows scare me. It’s just not working out. Most students who enter college do not graduate from that college. You are not alone.
- Plan, Don’t Panic – Don’t stop going to classes. Don’t withdraw if you’re halfway through the semester. Make sure you know what your current institution’s policies are in terms of dropping classes. What will it cost you – full tuition, or partial tuition? Will you get a failing grade or an incomplete?
What school might meet the needs that this school didn’t meet? How many credits (and which credits) will be accepted by your potential suitors? What type of aid package, if any, can you expect?
While it won’t be the length and intensity of your 1st college courtship, this 2nd college search should still be a serious decision, maybe a decision made with more facts and less emotion, now that you’ve been through this before. Or you may be making a 3rd or 4th trip down the Bursar’s aisle.
- Talk – to faculty and administrators you may trust at your first institution. To your parents. To friends from high school and newly made friends from college. To a transfer counselor at any school you may be considering for the future. Heck, call or email me; I’ll be glad to help.
- Don’t walk away – While I am a big believer in lifetime learning and college being just as viable at 40 as it is at 20, I would strongly discourage “walking away”. You chose your first college for valid reasons and – unless those reasons have changed – you should continue your journey. There is a big difference between saying that going to College X was a mistake and saying that going to College was a mistake. Make sure you know what statement you’re making because it is always harder to start something again once you stop.
As always, I welcome your comments and questions. Please feel free to email me at info@cc4therestofus.com, call me at 908-403-3819, join me on Facebook on “College Counseling for the Rest of Us” and join me on Twitter at @MichaelCCR.
College Counseling for the Rest of Us 
Feb 04, 2011 @ 12:41:15
I always feel that students need to give a school a chance. Many freshmen come home for the winter break and are luke warm about the colleges they are attending.
Too many parents don’t insist that they stick it out for the year. I have seen untold numbers return for the second semester and fall absolutely in love with the school in the next few months. Granted, there are justifiable reasons for a transfer. But for many who do and find their new school perfect, they might have felt the same way if they had only stayed where they were.
Susie Watts
http://www.collegedirection.org
Feb 04, 2011 @ 14:26:30
Susie:
Thank you for your response! We spend far too much time talking about the admission process in a vacuum and not enough time talking, studying, analyzing retention, even as an aspect of the admission process. It is statistically harder, in this country, to stay in college than get into college. There were good reasons for the 1st college choice; are they still valid – then, stick it out. If no longer valid, map out a logical set of “next steps”. And if you are an administrator, faculty member, parent or other responsible adult in that process – help the student set out those next steps as much as you would help them during “the courtship”. (Sorry, stepping off soap box) Thank you, again, Susie!
Feb 04, 2011 @ 20:55:19
I’ve been responsible for both recruitment and retention at several colleges and universities in my 37 years in admissions, financial aid, student affairs and enrollment management. I think you made very good points in your post. The only statement that I would quibble with is “That is why you have divorce lawyers and transfer counselors”. I have often told students that choosing college is not like a marriage and you don’t have to pledge to spend your entire college career at a particular school. There are no legal hinderances (unless it is with a proprietary school that requires students to sign a multi-year enrollment agreement) to transferring from one school to another. That being said I also tell students that transferring is seldom easy or smooth (lost credits, used up aid eligibility, finding housing, etc.) and another thing to consider is that transfer counselors are much more skilled in working with community college transfer students than they are with transfers from other four year schools(especailly if the student wants to transfer credit into a particular program which usually needs to be signed off by a dean or department chair). Also consider that in many cases transferring delays graduation from college by at least one semester. So is it better to “stick it out”? Yes if at all possible. You provide good advice on what the student should look at to help make the decision to stay or go. I firmly believe that unless the situation is totally unbearable that if the decision is to transfer the student is better off finishing the year rather than transferring at the semester. At a speciality school like mine ( a visual art school) despite what we tell students in the admissions process there are those who come thinking that art school will be less demanding than other colleges which is not the case. When these students find out that art school is not what they thought it would be they often just want to walk away. Walking away as you point out is absolutely the worst possible path a student can take.
Thanks for letting me share my views.
Feb 04, 2011 @ 21:18:18
Ed,
Thank you, very much, for sharing. I appreciate your knowledge and experience (got me beat by 14 years!) I have no objection to your quibbling with the “divorce lawyer” statement – I meant it as part of the wordplay, but I realize it was probably the strongest of the marriage/divorce references in the blog.
As someone who has served many years in “enrollment management”, I often find it a misunderstood word and underutilized skill set, even within the profession. So, I hope there are many more folks like you who are taking the time to identify and speak to potential transfers about their options. Thank you, again!
Michael